Kay's Kastles

Kay's Kastles is a dying breed: the old-fashioned, earnest ice cream parlor. There are no branded T-shirts or knowing winks. There are no gimmicky flavors of the month or walls of local art. This place is far removed from modern ice cream joints of Chattanooga's revitalized Downtown. It is nestled in the more rural reaches of Soddy Daisy, amongst the good people, and it still retains the characteristics that defined it in the mid-eighties.

Let's be clear: the staff hates you. They really, really do. They are, without question, some of the surliest people you will ever meet in food service. They hope you die; barring that, they'll grudgingly take your money and give you ice cream if they must. (How one can maintain a frowny face in a place like this I'll never know.)

The experience really takes me back. They've got kitschy ice cream decor (ice cream posters, ice cream signs, ice cream ceramics), old arcade machines, and a juke box. Remember the days when Pac-Man machines and ice cream cones were ubiquitous? Oh, happy days!

And be assured, Kay's Kastles makes one mean banana split.

There are hot dogs, sandwiches, and other things happening. But if the banana split is the ultimate measure of the ice cream parlor experience (and I believe it is) you should definitely check out Kay's Kastles. Avoid direct eye contact, ask no questions, and make no sudden movements and you'll be fine.

Taco Roc

Taco Roc
6960 Lee Highway
Chattanooga, TN 37421
(423) 653-1001

Forget Amigo's, El Meson, Cancun, and the various Las Margaritas. Taco Roc has your combination plate.

The menu lists 40 items and offers a huge range of food, from the tacos, tamales, gorditas, and enchiladas to ribs and steak, as well as a few surprises--yes, #37 (Mojarra) is a whole fried fish, head included. They usually have a few aguas frescas to choose from (including that delightful king of beverages, the cinnamon-rice drink horchata) and flan or other desserts. It really is a menu with something for everyone.

I really like this place. It's a clean, casual environment, everyone is nice, and the wait is relatively short. The food is true comfort food, it's fresh and delicious, and I haven't had a disappointing meal yet. The food is definitely a few steps above most of the area's Mexican fare. (Contrast this with the Cancun right down the street, which is dirty, run-down, and has the dubious distinction of serving me the worst chorizo ever.) As far as local Latin American restaurants go, I'd rank Taco Roc right behind Conga Latin in terms of quality.

Taco Roc is my go-to for combination Mexican. It will take me a while to eat my way through all 40, but I'm working on it. Maybe I'll take the plunge and go after #37 on my next visit.

Cupcake Kitchen

Cupcake Kitchen
5450 Hwy 153
Hixson, TN 37343
(423) 475-6733

Sometimes you find nice things in unlikely places. Take Hixson, for example. You wouldn't expect to find anything nice there, let alone in the Staples strip mall, but there it is: Cupcake Kitchen.

The name is deceptive. Cupcake Kitchen is a boutique bakery that sells chocolates, pastries, cookies, and full-size cakes as well as its namesake. It is an oasis of cuteness in an otherwise inhospitable commercial area. It's a great place to relax and unwind. The cupcakes are $2.50, and the other single-serving confections are in that general range. Cake sizes range from 4" to an 11x15 sheet (call for pricing).

Here's the thing about cupcakes: cupcakes should be special. Totally frou-frou: chocolate shavings, icing curls, sprinkles, glitter, little things made out of fondant and food coloring, whatever. A cupcake should be like a unicorn. It should be magical and beautiful and rare.

And that is what they do here. The cupcakes are baked fresh daily. The crumb is moist and the icing is sweet without being overbearing or cloying. Each has an personal, artistic touch. Somebody loved those cupcakes--now it's your job to eat them. If you can't handle the cupcake, if you're too hard and rugged for the fairest of baked goods, consider the masculine equivalent, the cannoli, which is delicious in its own right. Regardless, if you're in the neighborhood you should definitely stop by and have a treat. It's a wonderful addition to the area.

Urban Stack Burger Lounge

Urban Stack Burger Lounge
12 W 13th St
Chattanooga, TN 37402
(423) 475-5350

Let it never be said that Mike and Taylor Monen don't have a sense of style. Their newest venture, burger joint Urban Stack, is just as hip as their Tex-Mex fusion enterprise, Taco Mamacita, and has about ten times as much whiskey. There is no sexy mascot this time (sadly) but the typography is to die for.

The gourmet burger has been done and done--and done and done and done--but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it some more. Urban Stack makes a concerted effort to move past the infinite topping lists of the Cheeburger Cheeburgers of the world and provide a cohesive package. They don't have the best burger in town, but such accoutrements as balsamic onions, chipotle ketchup, and fire & ice pickles may give you something to think about.

The burgers (Angus, turkey, lamb, and veggie) average $8 and a Wagyu upgrade is $3. Fried sides (fries, onion rings) are $2.50, fresh sides are $3, and shakes are $5. The draft list is good and the liquor list long; all are priced high.

If you're a Wagyu/bourbon aficionado for whom a restaurant's atmosphere is just as important--or possibly more important--than the fodder, you'll feel right at home. If you're just a regular ol' burger fan looking for something new you'll probably like it too. But if paying $8 for a hamburger sans fries gives you a palpitations, or crowds and potential waits make you break into a cold sweat, steer clear.

Sluggo's North Vegetarian Cafe

Sluggo's North Vegetarian Cafe
501 Cherokee Blvd.
Chattanooga, TN 37405
(423) 752-5224

First off, let's get one thing straight. Omnivores need to pursue vegan food with the proper frame of mind. I dislike the phrase, "meat substitute," because tofu, seitan, soy bacon, et. al., are not like meat and if you order vegan food with the idea that it should taste like meat you will be disappointed. If, however, you accept that vegan food tastes like vegan food you will be fine. That's my experience with the thing.

Sluggo's is a cozy little cafe on Cherokee with an artsy style befitting the area. It's a low-key operation with a small staff. Often when I saunter in there I have the place to myself, but if it is packed, and that happens too, it's worth your wait. As with some of the other small restaurants in town, they do run out of certain items, but there are a lot of menu options so this isn't a big deal. The prices are inexpensive, with appetizers averaging $5, sandwiches and bowls $7.50, and entrees under $10.00. The portions are quite generous--more on that later. They have a small but well-selected beer inventory with can staples (Pabst Blue Ribbon and New Belgium Fat Tire) and some bottled treats, like Samuel Smith, as well as 5 taps, including New Belgium (Fat Tire, 1554) and the Chattanooga Brewing Company. They also offer specialty varieties of soft drinks made with cane sugar.

I feel comfortable saying the food is good overall but I'm never exactly sure what I'm getting into. I'll be honest with you, half the time I don't really know what I'm eating. Case in point: the Potstickers. What's going on in there? I have no idea, but they're good and I don't care.

The biggest problem with vegan food, for me, is texture, as soy and tofu are usually fairly soft. Sluggo's often handles this with strategic placement of carrots and other raw vegetables as well as the use of seitan (wheat gluten). If you want a chewier texture go that route. No matter what you do to tofu at the end of the day it still has the mouthfeel of tofu.

I've got some favorites. First, the Tahini Goddess dressing is amazing. Second, you must have the Potstickers. They are fabulous--they're actually better than dumplings I've gotten at Asian restaurants. I have no idea what they put in those things, but God bless them, God bless their creamy dipping sauce, and God bless whatever they stuff them with. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so, because in my experience it's a menu item that frequently runs out. My favorite "meal" was probably the Cajun Carrot Cakes, and I understand it's technically an appetizer but it's huge and delicious and the soy remoulade was perfect. The Culture Club is a great choice when you're in the mood for a serious sandwich.

On the other end of the spectrum, the Mushroom Walnut Burger didn't quite do it for me. It was a surprisingly bland. Also, Sluggo's apparently doesn't stock mustard or ketchup. I suppose I didn't realize how many condiments I put on a burger until I didn't have any. I also learned I'm not a huge fan of spicy seitan--the Cheeky Wing Wrap was a bit too cheeky--but I did like the mushrooms, salsa, and garlic ranch that accompanied it.

I really enjoy Sluggo's. I'd recommend it with the understanding that a veggie burger isn't supposed to taste like a hamburger. If you're down with that you'll be fine.